Eulogy virtues vs. resume virtues: What are you really optimizing for?
Several years ago, I stood on Omaha Beach in Normandy. The tide was calm. The sand was quiet. But the weight of history was overwhelming. I found myself thinking not about military strategy — but about legacy.
The young men who died there were not remembered for quarterly earnings, promotions or awards. They were remembered for courage, sacrifice, loyalty and love.
It made me ask a question that has stayed with me ever since: “When your story is told, what will matter most?”
Author and social commentator David Brooks famously described the difference between résumé virtues and eulogy virtues. Résumé virtues are the skills and accomplishments you bring to the marketplace — your degrees, titles, promotions and measurable successes. Eulogy virtues are deeper. They describe who you were: your character, integrity, generosity, humility, courage.
Both matter. But most leaders are optimizing almost exclusively for one. And it’s rarely the one that will be spoken about at their funeral.
Why This Matters
In my coaching work with CEOs and senior executives, I’m seeing something shift. Leaders are not less ambitious, but they are more exhausted. The scoreboard never empties. The goals reset every quarter. Growth becomes the oxygen of the enterprise.
But somewhere along the way, many begin to feel a quiet drift. They’ve mastered performance. But they aren’t sure they’ve mastered meaning.
We live in a time of achievement inflation. The expectations are relentless. Markets move faster. Capital moves faster. Careers move faster. Character, however, forms slowly. And if leaders are not intentional, résumé optimization quietly crowds out eulogy formation.
The Core Tension: Achievement vs. Significance
Achievement asks: “How much did you build?” Significance asks: “Who did you become while building it?”
Achievement is visible. It can be measured, ranked and rewarded. Significance is quieter. It is revealed in how you treat people when pressure rises. It is seen in how you respond to failure. It shows up in the cultures you create and the leaders you develop.
When leaders over-index on résumé virtues, certain patterns emerge:
• Performance without empathy.
• Growth without alignment.
• Influence without depth.
• Success that feels strangely hollow.
But when leaders intentionally cultivate eulogy virtues, something different happens:
• Cultures stabilize.
• Trust compounds.
• Talent flourishes.
• Strategy becomes more sustainable.
Ironically, when eulogy virtues strengthen, résumé outcomes quite often improve.
The reverse is not always true.
What Are You Really Optimizing For?
Every leader is optimizing for something, whether consciously or not. The question is not whether you are ambitious. The question is whether your ambition includes character formation.
Are you developing patience while pursuing growth? Are you modeling courage while navigating uncertainty? Are you becoming more grounded while accumulating influence?
This is not soft leadership. It is durable leadership. And it requires
reflection.
From Drift to Design
In our executive retreats and coaching intensives, we often begin not with strategy, but with vision. Not market vision — personal vision.
What kind of leader do you intend to become? What virtues do you want associated with your name? If those are not clearly defined, résumé forces will define your life by default.
This is why articulation of your core values matters. Clarity here anchors leadership decisions in something deeper than quarterly results. It ensures that success does not slowly erode identity.
For leaders of faith, this conversation often becomes even more powerful. But it is not exclusively religious. It is fundamentally human. Because at the end of every career, the scoreboard closes.
And what remains is your story.
A March Question
As you look at the year ahead, here is a question worth pondering: “If someone were writing your eulogy today, what would they say?”
And if that answer makes you uncomfortable, what needs to change?
Leadership is not just about building enterprises. It is about building a life. And in the end, you will not be remembered primarily for your résumé. You will be remembered for your character.
So the question is simple: “What are you really optimizing for?”
Richard Tyson is the founder of CEObuilder and author of Align & Execute: It’s All About the Money … But It’s Not! He helps leaders align purpose, people and performance through his PACER leadership models and The Leadership Architect framework.