For many women, the tricky part of getting involved in a business is just having the courage to start one. But sometimes, even trickier is starting over.
That can happen if, for example, the woman has experienced a loss or a divorce.
Speaking at the recent “Women In The Money” event in Midvale, Terra Thurgood, partner at The Martin Worley Group, spelled out some general guidelines to help women move forward with their next chapter after facing overwhelming life changes.
“What I found is that it’s never really just about the money,” Thurgood said. “It’s about rebuilding their confidence. It’s about rediscovering your voice, and most importantly, it is about learning how to trust your decision-making again.”
As a certified financial planner and certified divorce financial analyst, Thurgood said she has helped many women, with nearly half having gone through divorce or had a loss. She told the audience about five common insights and wisdom gleaned from that experience. A recurring theme was that the women, while they might turn to others for support and help, are in control of what follows.
“If you are navigating divorce or grief or some other life-altering transition, No. 1, you’re not alone; No. 2, you’re not broken; and you’re not behind,” she said. “You are in this powerful space between ‘what was’ and ‘what’s next,’ and the cool thing is, you get to be the author of that next chapter.”
Under the concept of “you’re not alone,” Thurgood encouraged women to build a trust support team, in the form of finding a “tribe” or creating a new one, letting friends and family know how to support them, and leaning on professionals of all types.
“For many of us, maybe we’ve been ‘the strong one’ or we are usually the helper,” Thurgood said. “The process of asking for help or admitting that you need help, is a little bit uncomfortable. … Letting others help is not a weakness. It’s actually wisdom. So, allow yourself the grace of letting go of any shame or guilt that you might have around that.”
Again, she reminded the audience, you control who, when and how you “share your narrative.”
A perhaps more tangible action is to organize critical and legal documents in the wake of a loss or divorce. The number of such documents can be staggering, ranging from estate-plan forms such as wills, trusts, health care directives and naming guardians for children, to records and documents such as birth and death certificates, passports, marriage licenses, divorce decrees, tax returns, deeds, car titles, mortgage documents, photos of household property and evidence of child and spousal support payments. Credit reports and names on accounts also are on the list, as are documents related to
final wishes.
“Those who had decisions already made and they had their documents already set up and they had information already accessible, they described being more anchored and less panicked and overwhelmed,” Thurgood said. “Of course, the preparation didn’t remove the pain, but it helped ease some of that weight during an already emotional and logistically chaotic time.”
Another common theme is to honor the emotional journey. People who face life-altering events “feel everything and anything,” she said, swinging from some days of “getting a little bit stronger” to “the next day, you’re going to cry at the cereal commercial.” That makes a person human, she said, with grief, anger, guilt, self-doubt, fear, relief or even joy coming and going.
With all of that in mind, Thurgood suggested that major financial decisions be paused for six to 12 months — “not because ‘you’ll get over it,’ but because your mind and your heart need time to catch up,” she said.
But financial decisions will still need to be made, even if the idea of doing so is scary. It can provide clarity and mitigate confusion related to cash flow, investing, insurance, estate planning and taxes; needs, wants and savings; and assets and liabilities.
Women also should realize that those sometimes-sudden changes in their lives, and the related financial ripples they cause, make them prime targets for scammers on the prowl for the vulnerable. As part of reclaiming their identity and self-worth, Thurgood suggested waiting for “the dust to settle” and then updating everything, including online account passwords and contact information.