WORK DAZE: Does working remotely make you lonely? Become a boss-sitter
Bob Goldman
What’s the best part of being a remote worker?
Beyond the advantages of a daily commute that consists of shuffling between your bedroom and your kitchen table, where you can labor comfortably through the day in your bathrobe and bunny slippers, remote workers enjoy the benefit of working with their pets.
Does a doggy or a kitty or a fishy or a birdy make a difference? The friendly folks at TrustedHousesitters think so. In a recent survey, the home-swapping, pet-sitting platform found that 50 percent of respondents said “pets reduce feelings of loneliness while working remotely,” while 91 percent agreed that “working in the company of animals reduces feelings of work-related stress.” (The poll defines animals as creatures with a tail or wings or fins. Despite the behavior of your co-workers at the Kit Kat Club’s All-You-Can-Eat-Buffalo-Wings-Happy-Hour, it does not qualify them as animals.)
While no one denies the benefits of working with pets, there are people who are not ready to take on the responsibility of full-time pet ownership. This is the problem that TrustedHousesitters aims to solve. The idea is that you move into the home of a pet owner while they are away. You get their pet to be your work buddy while the homeowner gets a worry-free vacation, knowing that their pet is being cared for by someone they can trust. (That’s you. Let’s try to keep up here.)
If “trusted housesitting” is a thing, allow me to introduce you to the next thing. “Trusted Boss-Sitting” provides the companionship you lack and the career boost you need. Best of all, you don’t have to move out of your home. All you have to do is let your boss move in.
While many employees have been able to negotiate a remote work setting, bosses have been forced to stay in the office. The opportunity to get a break from the pressures of office life will make any hard-charging manager get up on their hind legs and beg. It’s a win-win. The boss gets the benefit of a mini vacay, and you get to bond with a company luminary whose companionship could supercharge your career.
It will not come as a surprise that bosses need a great deal of care. Not only do they have the headache of dealing with you, but they also have their own bosses to contend with. And because they are such special human beings, they have no one to scratch their ears when they are feeling down or relieve their tension by throwing a ball of stock options to chase.
If taking on the responsibility of boss-sitting feels challenging, you will be relieved to know that Trusted Boss-Sitting makes the experience stress-free. Your boss will be fully vaccinated for distemper, which should be a real improvement over their behavior in the office. Also, if you are nervous about spending 24/7 with a hypercritical manager, who will monitor your every move and pepper you with suggestions for how to do your job, your boss can be equipped with a shock collar. This may seem cruel, but there’s no better way to teach your boss how to roll over and play dead, one of the most valuable tricks a boss can master. Finally, all bosses are crate-trained and come with complete instructions for care, so there will be no question as to when your boss needs to be fed, bathed or dewormed.
In the Trusted Housesitters survey, respondents reported that the need to walk their dog forced them to take regular outside breaks. Walking your boss offers the same benefit, and you will definitely enjoy the time you spend at the boss park, watching your boss frolic with other bosses, barking loudly about their perks and their direct reports.
Feeding your boss won’t be difficult, either. Just open a can of foie gras and pour in a jigger of Chateau d’Yquem. They will lick the bowl clean, guaranteed.
Bedtime for bosses can be tricky, since they will want to stay up late, sending threatening emails to their direct reports. You will have to be strict about getting your boss back into their crate. Offering a chew toy or the key fob to a Tesla works well in these situations.
While you will have fun with your boss, don’t expect any thanks when they return to their executive offices. If you want appreciation, babysit a boa constrictor or a jackal or a rabid Cape buffalo.
After caring for your boss, it’ll be a piece of cake.
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com.
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