Bob Goldman
What’s wrong with you?
If you’re not exactly sure, let me tell you. Or, better yet, let your boss do it.
Bosses are always ready to tell us what we’re doing wrong. What we’re doing right? That’s a job for someone else. Like your labradoodle. A quick etymological look at the word “supervision” says it all. You have “vision.” Your boss has “super-vision.”
With super-vision, they can see what’s wrong with the way you do things, sometimes way before you do them. Best of all, they’re willing to share. The problem is not the boss bossing you around; it’s how you react. The Harvard Business Review knows all about this explosive dynamic. That’s why they publish articles such as Melody Wilding’s “How to Work for an Overly Critical Boss.”
“Highly critical leaders create an atmosphere of constant, pervasive negativity,” Wilding writes. “This can cause you to walk on eggshells, fearful of making mistakes, and leaving you second-guessing your decisions and interactions.”
Of course, you can always complain to your boss about the way they are always complaining about you, but being straightforward and honest has never been a very effective way to manage your manager. You could also suggest, as does Wilding, that “someone’s critical nature has more to do with their own insecurities.”
In which universe this would work, I’m not sure, but I doubt they have any openings.
Here are four strategies for dealing with the hypercritical boss. And, please, no criticism. I get enough of that at home.
No. 1: View feedback as engagement.
Yes, your boss is picky, prickly and just plain nasty, but they are paying attention. Even if they never like what they see, they do see you. Being top-of mind could be a benefit if, minutes after eviscerating you in front of your team, they need to decide who to promote. It could also be a negative if the next thing they need to decide is who should head the new customer service facility on Brazil’s Snake Island, home to the deadly golden lancehead, which, putting the VIP in viper, has a venom so powerful it can melt human flesh.
Compared to your boss, it sounds pretty friendly.
Another strategy is to separate tone from content, transforming a negative, “this work is totally unacceptable” to a positive, “there are issues that need to be addressed.” Or, in an example more relevant to your boss, transform their general response of “This is good work, considering that you’re an idiot” to the more specific, “This is good work, considering that you’re an idiot, and you’re ugly, too.”
No. 2: Get ahead of their negativity.
Your boss may find it difficult to criticize their own work, which, you may have noticed, is always perfect. For this reason, it may make sense to loop them in before a finished project is due. “I’ve done my best with this report,” you could say, “but with my limited intellectual abilities and my propensity for making stupid mistakes, I’m sure everyone would benefit if you added your genius touch.”
Is this so obvious that your boss will see that you are manipulating them?
Nah!
No. 3: Put them on the spot.
You don’t have to smile and take it when your manager characterizes your work with generalizations, such as “looks like something a 12-year-old would do.” Instead, put them on the spot by asking for specifics.
“What kind of 12-year-old?” you snap back. “A 12-year-old influencer who has 2 million followers on TikTok? A 12-year-old who qualified for early admission at Princeton?”
While your boss is fumbling to reply, focus on another specific area you would like amplified: things you do right.
“It’s valuable to me when you to point out everything I do wrong, but it would also be useful to have feedback on the things I do right.”
If your boss can’t think of anything, you can help.
“I put up with you,” you could say. “That alone should qualify me for promotion, if not for sainthood.”
No. 4: Reward good behavior.
“When your boss gives you feedback that’s even slightly less critical than usual,” says Melody Wilding, “acknowledge it.”
I agree.
“Good boss,” you should say. Continue with “who’s the best boss ever?” and, while scratching your boss’s ears, coo, “you’re the cuddly-buddly, best bossey-wossey in the whole wide world.”
If your boss licks your face, you’ve succeeded.
Dealing with a critical boss is never easy, but give it a try. It’s a whole lot easier than doing everything right.
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com.
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