Bob Goldman
Let’s face it: It’s taken a lot of time and effort for you to become the perfect employee.
And it has definitely been worth it.
Your co-workers trust you. Your bosses ignore you. Everything is wonderful, everywhere you go. But then something happens to ruin it all.
You get a big, fat promotion.
Don’t blame me! If you read this column regularly and followed my advice, you’d still be hanging on to your job by your fingernails. But no! You worked so hard and accomplished so much that even your blind-as-a bat stupidvisors noticed and promoted you.
Now, your work friends are your direct reports. They’re seething with jealousy and feeling betrayed. What’s worse — from here on out, you have to supervise them.
Fortunately, you are not the first to face this dire situation. It’s why HR Trainings offers “Transition from Peer to Supervisor,” a seminar for those suddenly thrust into the management spotlight.
If a promotion could be in your future, here are my five strategies for dealing with this horrible happenstance. I’ll be brief — a lot briefer than a seminar — and a lot cheaper, too.
No. 1: The fun stops here.
It’s important to let your former workplace pals know that you are no longer the same nutty, affable goofball with whom they shared gossip, jokes and pranks. That means no more whoopee cushions on the CEO’s office chair, and no more soaking the CFO’s laptop in chocolate syrup. You won’t even participate in putting large, scary spiders in the desk drawers of your most squeamish co-workers.
Your former peers will not be happy to lose the fun person who has brought so much laughter to the workplace, but putting a stop to the hijinks will make the seriousness of your new position crystal clear. (Note: Once your new title is announced, be extra cautious opening your desk drawers. A bite from a brown recluse can be nasty.)
No. 2: Fire a friend.
As a new manager, there will be sacrifices. Fortunately, it can be your best friend at work who makes these sacrifices, because you’re going to fire them. To demonstrate maximum management power, it’s important that the friend you choose does not deserve to be fired. On the contrary, you should choose a person who is a major contributor. If they can also be the most well-liked member of the team, that’s a bonus.
Firing the perfect employee for no discernable reason will definitely separate new you from old you. If the team members who remain give you the fish eye after the deed is done, that’s proof that you have established your position.
Remember the manager’s code: Being liked is nice, but being feared is better.
No. 3: Play the name game.
Use your first meeting with the team to make it clear that you will not tolerate the casual environment that prevailed under your previous manager. You may not require team members to call you “Master” or “Beloved Leader,” but you will certainly no longer respond to first names or, worse, nicknames. After the announcement of your promotion goes out, anyone still using “Pickles,” or “Jelly Belly” or “Tater Tot” is buying themselves a one-way ticket to pink-slipsville.
No. 4: Dress the part.
If you wore suits before your promotion, start wearing jeans. If you wore jeans, start wearing suits. If you wore suits and jeans, start coming to work naked. If you’ve done your job right, and everyone is scared of you, they’ll never say a word.
No. 5: Get spendy.
Motivating your direct reports can be a problem. You could share inspirational lectures about your own rise in the company — that’s a story that never gets old — but an easier way to demonstrate the rewards of hard work is to leverage the big, fat raise everyone will assume you received by spending a bunch of money on stupid luxuries. Even if your raise was decidedly minimal and you have to borrow money to do it, replace your Kia with a Maserati and your Timex with a Patek Phillipe.
Because everyone will assume you also received a truckload of stock options with your promotion, always carry a copy of The Wall Street Journal, and never end the most casual conversation without asking, “Did you see what happened with Bitcoin today?”
Hopefully, with this advice and few seminars under your belt, you’ll be able to manage being a manager. And if it doesn’t work out, don’t worry. Chances are, your next career move will be a big, fat demotion.
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com.
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