Bob Goldman
It’s not enough!
These days, you need more than a great resume, awesome reccos, a winning personality, unbounded energy, unbridled accomplishments and a fashion sense that has made you the envy of your office. These days, you also need a brand.
According to Rice University, “a brand is the distinct set of feelings, perceptions, attitudes and associations people have when they see a logo or think about a company.”
Except brands are no longer limited to companies and their products. There is also the “personal brand.” The same dynamic that relates to a giant, economy size box of cereal now applies to a giant, economy size box of y-o-u.
Having a personal brand is essential. Everyone is busy-busy-busy these days and easily distracted. This is especially true of the high-level executives where you work and the hiring managers where you don’t. Sure, they could research your resume and fact-check references to make sure you’re the right person to be promoted or hired, but — let’s face it — they’re not going to. Not when it’s so much easier to grab the person who’s “The Real Thing” or the “Ultimate Driving Machine.”
Ready to develop a personal brand? Don’t dawdle. If you think the supermarket shelves are cluttered with brands, the job market is worse.
Fortunately, you don’t have to spend all the time and effort required to develop a unique personal brand. It’s easier and faster to simply adapt your work style to an existing brand.
Not sure which brand to steal — I mean, adapt? Here are few real winners, ripe for the picking.
No. 1: Disneyland — “The Happiest Place on Earth.”
While long lines do diminish the joie de vivre at Chip & Dale’s Gadget Coaster, making Disneyland “the happiest place on earth” is branding at its best. So, why not make the second- happiest place on earth your cubicle? A few dozen Benjamins scattered judiciously on eBay should be sufficient to cover your desktop with porcelain penguins, papier-mache songbirds, soft-vinyl Mickeys, talking Woody action figures and Barbies galore. A visit to any good gadget website will provide you with whoopie cushions, Squeak Pickles and the always hysterical Racing Rubber Chickens. Finish off the transformation with a visit to a costume shop for the perfect addition to your work wardrobe, such as the adult hot dog costume, the inflatable baby outfit and a most meaningful light-up traffic light costume (when a project comes to you, it’s always a green light).
Make your office a fun ride, and all the children in the C-suites will want to spend time with you. Your competition can own the gloom-and- doom brand. You’re just there to make everyone happy.
No. 2: Kellogg’s Rice Krispies — “Snap, Crackle & Pop.”
Make these lovable, action-oriented elves the personification of your brand. Demonstrate you always have a good idea cooking by wearing a baker’s toque, like Snap. Show that you are ready to march forward on your manager’s dumbest ideas by wearing a drum majorette hat, like Pop. Personifying Crackle is more difficult, since he (or is it she?) wears a red and white striped sleeping cap. Since this is dangerously close to your current brand as an overcompensated sleepwalker, you may have to explain that you are always dreaming up great ways to move the company ahead, making you a dream to work with, even when you’re asleep.
No. 3: Burger King — “Have it your way.”
Let management know that you are the kind of employee they want most: a hardworking zombie who has absolutely no ideas of their own and will never question the most idiotic requests.
By making it clear that you are an empty vessel, waiting to be filled with whatever nonsense is rattling around in your manager’s head, this personal brand is sure to lead to success.
No. 4: Wrigley’s Gum — “Double the Pleasure. Double the Fun.”
Telling your manager they are brilliant is good. Telling them twice is better. Get yourself a good thesaurus and rid yourself of any self-respect. Tell your boss they’re brilliant and dazzling and wonderful and marvelous, time and time again. It will halve your fun, but double their pleasure, and isn’t that what it’s all about?
No. 5: Kentucky Fried Chicken — “Finger lickin’ good.”
This is a difficult personal brand to take on, considering the unappetizing nature of your management team. No doubt salivating when you see your supervisor is humiliating and drooling over their every word is messy. Still, it may be worth the dry-cleaning bills if it gets you to the top.
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com.
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