Bob Goldman
Loose lips sink ships. Also, careers.
That’s why people at work tend to keep it on the down-low, seeing as little as possible and saying even less.
Which brings us to the question du jour: “should we talk about the way you don’t talk?
CNBC thinks so. The careerists at CNBC.com recently published “9 Little Phrases to Instantly Brighten Someone’s Day,” an article by self-proclaimed “Happiness and Well-Being Expert” Stephanie Harrison.
As a self-proclaimed misery and ill-being expert, I was interested to learn that I had a “superpower” that I “might not know about: the power to make another person glow.”
(I thought my superpower was to make another person go away, but I’ll take it. If unbuttoning my lip will make the HR team glow, I’ll be able to spot them before they attack.)
Harrison’s article provides both specific phrases you can use and recommendations for the targets of your chit-chat initiative. This is important. Telling your life partner “I love you as you are” would be sappy and could make them suspicious, but a bit of love language could be extremely useful when trying to get a laptop upgrade from the IT department.
Let me throw out five of the “little phrases” Harrison recommends. Before you add them to your work vocab, consider that a bunch of glowing co-workers could be a real risk to your career trajectory. Fortunately, I have a few suggestions, sure to make the feeble light they currently emit flicker and die.
No. 1: “I am proud of you.”
This phrase is usually associated with a major accomplishment, such as for a co-worker who has developed a new branch to the customer service phone tree that keeps the caller on hold for an additional 20 minutes.
Author Harrison reminds us that expressing pride in a colleague’s behavior can also apply to accomplishments of a lesser nature.
“You came in late this morning and stayed awake for most of the afternoon,” you might text your workplace BFF. “I’m proud of you.”
Be sure to copy your boss, so they can appreciate your willingness to throw a co-worker under the bus. It’s an example of the sneaky, unscrupulous behavior that says “management material.”
No. 2: “I see your gifts.”
Not everyone builds their career on an uncanny ability to stay below the radar. By telling a co-worker, “I see your gifts,” you encourage them to take big swings. The bigger the swing, of course, the bigger the miss, which can result in your work friend’s premature flame out.
Don’t use the “I see your gifts” language on your manager, BTW. It could encourage them to take a big swing that sinks the company.
No. 3: “Tell me more about this.”
No matter what nonsense your colleague is spewing, demand to hear more about it.
“You say you were picked first for kickball in third grade, and that’s when you knew you had leadership ability? Tell me more about this.”
“Being listened to helps people feel safe, supported and acknowledged,” writes our happiness expert. It also softens them up, so you can quickly move in and stab them in the back.
No. 4: “I am grateful for you.”
Use your spidey sense to pick out the people who are the biggest threat to your own march to the top and slather them with gratitude. You don’t need a reason.
“I am grateful for you being you,” you can tell them. “Your unique you-ness makes every day brighter for everyone on the team.”
Even the most puerile expressions of gratitude are contagious and will, in time, bring productivity to a complete halt as everyone on the team spends all their time expressing gratitude for each other’s gratitude. This will make your puny efforts more visible. For which you should feel gratitude.
No. 5: “You inspire me.”
This is a good phrase to use with a senior manager, but don’t make it all about you. Share the praise with a co-worker.
For example — “Watching your rise in the company really inspires Alex in accounting. They’re telling everyone that if someone with your limited abilities can make it to the top, anyone can.”
Don’t be surprised if Alex in accounting has a little phrase for you, too, which will surely come out when you visit their office and offer to help pack their boxes. It’s a phrase so little it will only have two words, the second of which is “you.”
If that doesn’t inspire you, I don’t know what will.
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com.
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