Bob Goldman
It’s not your fault that you’re perfect.
It is your fault if you don’t tell everyone at work that they’re not.
This isn’t always easy.
When it comes to getting criticism, you’re an expert. Giving criticism is different. It is also essential to your career.
If you’re the boss, a big part of inspiring your direct reports is to regularly remind them that they’re idiots. If the idiot is at your level, it isn’t your job to tell them when they’ve made a mistake, but they’re sure to appreciate it, unless they don’t, and then you’ve made an enemy for life.
(As for giving criticism to your boss, that’s the corporate equivalent of completing a quadruple lutz in ice skating. Unless done with perfect timing and finesse, you’re likely to end up crashing hard on the slippery road to career success. Oof!)
How to tell someone they’re wrong, right, is the subject of “How to Give Constructive Criticism Without Making It Awkward,” a recent article by Alison Green in New York magazine.
Whether you honestly want to improve your company’s products and procedures or simply want to intimidate your co-workers, Alison Green has ideas about how to do criticism right. I’m afraid I do have some criticisms of her criticisms. Whether my criticisms are constructive, you can judge for yourself. Just don’t be too critical; I’m really sensitive.
No. 1: Remember that giving and receiving corrections at work is normal.
“None of us are perfect,” Green reminds us. (Of course, she hasn’t met you.)
What Green calls “corrective feedback” is part of every job, and anyone who doesn’t expect it is either 5 years old or a senior vice president. If you are reluctant to give criticism, remember that even your most brutal and unhinged opinions are coming from a caring, compassionate place in your heart and your only goal is to help your work friend grow and improve. It’s hardly your fault that you also help them leave, making room for you to scramble up the ladder even faster.
No. 2: Be thoughtful about your timing.
You don’t kick a friend when they’re down. That’s why it’s important to first turn on the criticism tap when someone has done nothing wrong. A soupcon of unjustified criticism every day will eventually wear down your colleague’s self-confidence until they are a nubbin of the person they used to be. This is the point when you deliver the coup de grace — preferably in a large meeting, complete with screaming outbursts, wild recriminations and auguries of the company’s collapse due to your co-worker’s continued blunders.
This level of public humiliation will destroy your work friend while making a great showcase of your management potential.
No. 3: Be matter-of-fact.
Taking a low-key approach to giving criticism has many benefits, not the least of which is keeping the object of your helpful criticism from hiding in the supply closet when they see you coming.
Green suggests you “think of the tone you’d use to say, ‘Hmmm, the printer needs paper.’” Better yet, view your beneficiary of your criticism as if they actually were a printer. If there’s a jam in their thinking, pound on the lid and replace their cartridges. As a last resort, pull the plug.
No. 4: Put the feedback in context.
There are certain words you shouldn’t use, such as “doomed” and “major lawsuit” and “Chapter 11 bankruptcy.” These words could be misunderstood, leaving the recipient of your criticism to believe you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
Assure them that you are taking a mountain and making a bigger mountain, and it’s about to fall on them.
No. 5: Be clear about what should change.
Constructive criticisms, such as “I hate your face,” are vague. Be specific.
If you can’t criticize your co-worker’s work, criticize their attitude. If you can’t criticize their attitude, criticize their shoes. If you can’t find anything to criticize, criticize their judgment.
They chose you to be a friend, didn’t they?
No. 6: Be open to the other person’s perspective.
Not everyone welcomes criticism, no matter how constructive.
If someone doesn’t appreciate your willingness to spend your valuable time criticizing absolutely everything they do, no matter how trivial, from morning to night, even though no one asked you to, remember that some people can’t be helped. They can, however, be gossiped about and reported to HR for a bunch of bogus reasons that will end their careers, fast.
And, really, isn’t that what friends are for?
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com.
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