Bob Goldman
You probably haven’t noticed, but there’s been an election going on. It’s made those of us who have noticed, a tad nervous. Devastating weather events, such as hurricanes and floods, have added to our anxiety, and, of course, the battle for supremacy waging between Chelsea and Tiffany on “The Real Housewives of Yuma, Arizona” has everyone in a tizz.
With all these troubling events happening all around us, is it any wonder that you end up with an emotional meltdown every time Jody from HR gives you the fish-eye?
Yes, we live in anxious times, and no one has felt it more than you, me and Gwen Moran, the author of “How to Handle a Stressful Workday When Seemingly Everything’s Going Wrong,” a timely article for Fast Company.
As Moran reports, more than three of four workers surveyed in the American Psychological Association’s 2023 Work in America survey reported experiencing work-related stress. (I don’t know who that one-in-four worker who stays cool, calm and collected could be, but let’s get together and stress them the heck out!)
According to the survey, stress is causing mental exhaustion, a lack of motivation to do your best and a desire to keep to yourself. So, if you’ve been wondering why your bestie at the office has started spending all day sleeping under their desk, only occasionally waking up to sigh and moan, now you know.
They’re just following the crowd.
If you can muster sufficient motivation to actually do something about spending all day in a stress position, let me share my take on five therapies described in Gwen Moran’s article.
Will my remedies work? Probably not, but I’m not going get stressed out about it.
No. 1: Take microbreaks.
One sure way to turn around a difficult workday is to Uber to the airport, hop on your Dassault Falcon 7X and jet your stressed-out self to a talcum powder beach where the Bahama Mamas flow and the Wi-Fi never works.
If a getaway to a sunny clime is beyond your credit limit, consider that the core idea of a microbreak is to “do something very different” than what you usually do. For this reason, taking “a few deep breaths” or “watching a few minutes of TV” won’t cut it. For you to do something different, you would have to sit at your desk and actually do some work — without breaks for online shopping and empire building in Minecraft. This will feel weird, I know, but isn’t that the whole idea of a microbreak?
No. 2: Pay attention to someone — anyone — else.
It’s difficult to think about someone else when you are so fascinating.
This is why I offer you ... me.
It’s simple. When you find yourself in a stressful situation, simply point your browser my way and binge on videos of my miserable life. (Don’t miss my sixth birthday party, where I cry for 30 minutes, because I didn’t get a pony.)
Spend a few minutes in my miserable life, and I guarantee you’ll be happy to return to your miserable life. If it doesn’t work, buy yourself a pony.
No. 3: Write it out.
Grab a pencil and write down everything that makes you stressed out. Include your job stressors, but don’t forget to add relationship problems, assorted medical concerns, international tensions, climate nightmares, UFO sightings, celebrity breakups and floating nonspecific anxieties.
This could actually work. It could also bring on a new stress: running out of paper.
No. 4: Exercise before you’re stressed out.
Psychologist Chris Mosunic recommends “a brisk walk or run before a stressful event.”
Excellent idea. Before tensions rise, simply walk — or run — to the front door and keep walking — or running — or, if you work by an ocean, swimming. Don’t turn around and don’t come back.
It’s great exercise, and your stress will have evaporated by the time you reach Ittoqqortoormiit, Greenland, guaranteed.
No. 5: Practice progressive muscle relaxation.
The procedure is simple: “tensing a group of muscles and then letting go.” Since you are a person who rigorously avoids exercise, you may not have any muscles to tense. This means you will have to progressively relax in a more traditional manner. Start by putting your feet on your desk. Then lean back in your chair. Put on noise-canceling ear buds, an eye mask, a neck pillow and a cozy blankie. You’ll be totally relaxed before you know it. You’ll also be totally fired before you know it, but what the heck! At least you won’t be stressed.
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com.
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