Bob Goldman
The way your manager treats you is a crime.
Might as well treat them the exact same way.
Thinking of your mild-mannered manager as a major crime boss may seem a tad paranoid, but it does open you up to a world of relationship advice that you can’t get from even the most brilliant career gurus, like me.
Or so I realized when I read “An Ex-FBI Agent Explains how to Recognize the Power Dynamics in a Room,” a recent article by Stephanie Vozza in Fast Company.
The ex-FBI agent in question is Chip Massey, the co-author, along with Adele Gambardella, of Convince Me: High-Stakes Negotiation Tactics to Get Results in Any Business Situation.
“The key is forensic listening,” says agent Massey, which he defines as “the art of finding and listening to clues.” And clues are just what you need when dealing with a criminal mastermind like Tony Soprano, or — wait for it — your manager.
Fortunately, you don’t need to be a Clarice Starling or a Fox Mulder to crack this case. Here are four clues that will make the difference between getting to the top with your head in the clouds and going to the bottom with your feet in cement.
Clue No. 1: EMOTIONS.
“When you walk into a meeting,” says agent Massey, “look for a display of emotions.”
For example, finding the chief financial officer, sitting in the corner, weeping unconsolably, is definitely a clue that something is amiss. Alternately, if the CFO is studying their spreadsheet and giggling uncontrollably, and the CEO won’t look at you, the something that is amiss is sure to be your career.
Another round of layoffs is about to be announced, and your name is leading the list.
You are also advised to determine if there is “a definite alpha person in the room.” This will either be your boss or the person bringing the donuts. If you find yourself surrounded by betas, release your inner alpha.
Start assigning blame to everyone who isn’t you. Make it clear that, going forward, your job will be to make sure they do their jobs, thus assuring you have nothing to do.
Your alpha moment won’t last forever, but while it’s there, make sure the boss sees you taking charge, and even more important, make sure you get the Bavarian custard doughnut with chocolate frosting.
Clue No. 2: BODY POSITIONING.
In a big meeting, pay attention to how others are positioned relative to you: “Are they sitting squarely before you or are they aligning themselves away?”
You might also note if anyone ducks under the conference table when you enter the room or gets up and leaves once you sit down. If someone who is standing starts rocking back and forth on the balls of their feet, this is highly significant. Agent Massey says it indicates “they are getting ready to move away from you.”
I say, don’t overanalyze. Yes, it could simply mean that “they need to get somewhere else,” but that somewhere else could be the bathroom.
Clue No. 3: THEMES AND WORD CHOICES.
Agent Massey advises you to “listen for jargon or buzzwords.”
Common business buzzwords that may be important to you and your career are “loser,” “waste of space,” “big dud,” “constant problem” and “I don’t know why we ever hired them in the first place.”
While listening to what is said, pay attention to what is not said.
If no one asks about your goals for the coming year, it may be because no one thinks you’ll be employed in the coming year. If no one talks about the branch office in Slovenia, it’s because that’s where the company plans to send you.
(They have excellent doughnuts in Slovenia. You’ll love it.)
Clue No. 4: VOICE.
What people say is important, but not as important as how they say it.
Is your boss a loud talker or soft talker? A fast talker or a slow talker? Do they frequently break out in song, crooning their way through “I Knew You Were Trouble” or any of the other 50 breakup songs in the Taylor Swift songbook?
If a loud talker starts whispering, you know you’re in trouble. If a slow talker starts jabbering away, you know the trouble is even worse than you thought. If your boss segues into “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” break out your ukulele and strum along.
Your career is over, and what happens next — I haven’t got a clue.
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com.
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