Bob Goldman
You definitely want to work less, but are you willing to work more to work less? That’s the question.
Journalist Bob Brody thought he had the answer. After retiring from a demanding job in a big city, Brody moved to the peace and quiet of an ancient hillside town in southern Italy, where he attempted to embrace the local philosophy of “il dolce far niente,” or “the sweetness of doing nothing.”
He couldn’t do it. Or so he confesses in “Relearning the Fine Art of Doing Nothing,” a recent article in the AARP: The Magazine. (How a magazine peppered with ads for stairlifts and safety showers appeared in the mailbox of a totally buff, resolutely immature person like myself is a mystery, though the cellphones with big buttons do look appealing.)
Brody discovered that you must work more if you want to work less, even in an idyllic situation where your most critical daily deliverable is a perfect cappuccino. Now imagine how much hard work is required if you want to work less in your brutal work environment, where you’re constantly challenged by the need to hustle and bustle simply to survive.
Fortunately, lollygagging can be learned. Goofing-off can be turned on. Here are four tips from someone who has done the hard work it requires to work less. (I would have had five tips, but it was too much work.)
No. 1: Pick a disease. Any disease.
Whether you are starting a new job or clinging to an old job, take time to associate yourself with a disease. You’ll want a real but obscure ailment that sounds serious. This will not only allow you to take serious time off but will also excuse you for the lack of work you produce when you do manage to heroically drag yourself in.
The best way to announce your imaginary disease is to start fundraising for its imaginary cure. This way you not only get sympathy for your bravery but also credit for your selfless efforts for a worthy cause.
Think your managers won’t buy it? Who would question the “Find the Cure for Kuru Fund,” or take the time to research a once-prevalent disease that only affected members of the Kuru Tribe in Papua New Guinea?
Note: If a savvy co-worker has already taken Kuru, consider Lilliputian Hallucination Syndrome, a rare but real disease that makes the sufferer believe they are seeing and hearing hordes of small people. The beauty part of being an LHS sufferer is that you can interrupt your workday to run through the office and pet the tiny CEO.
No. 2: Take the tour.
In the 17th century, English aristocrats left their castles to do the grand tour. It included stops in Paris and Rome. In 2025, the grand tour starts in sales and ends in HR. Your itinerary should include important historical sites in accounting, like the corner office where the sticky-fingered CFO ruled the roost before being perp-walked into the arms of the FBI.
Travel tip: Don’t forget to take plenty of pictures of the carefree natives frolicking in HR. The pics will be invaluable when it’s time to ask for a raise.
No. 3: Take power naps.
One of the best ways to work less is to sleep more. Unfortunately, finding a good sleep spot at work takes work. Think of yourself as an intrepid explorer, searching a vast, inhospitable tundra for the perfect hidey-hole.
Before you start spending sleepy afternoons in your nap nook, make sure no one else in the company is using it. It’s embarrassing to find your manager occupying your secret spot. Of course, if you both ended up snoozing in the same supply closet, it would be a bonding experience.
No. 4: Become invisible.
Your competitors work hard to get noticed by management. Put your efforts into becoming invisible. Choose your work clothes to match the fashion choices of your co-workers. One more grumpy employee in head-to-toe Uniqlo will never be noticed. Don’t speak up in meetings and never volunteer for assignments. If you have a door, keep it closed. If you work in an open office, you can disappear for hours at a time if you keep a coat on your chair.
Most important, never ask for vacation time.
With these four strategies, you don’t need vacations. You’ll have all the “il dolce far niente” you can handle and get paid for it.
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com.
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